Easier to Run
by Kisa Kaiba
Summary: [Complete] Seto's life has been hard, could things get worse enough to be ready for an end... ?
1. It's Easier to Run

This is a one-shot, suicidal fic. This is my first suicide fic, so I hope you like it.

It goes along with a song by Linkin Park; it's called 'It's Easier to run'.

* * *

.........Seto's POV.........

I walked quickly to my office. I sat down on my chair and I opened up my e-mail. I looked through the messages I got… one was from Mokuba.

I opened it up and read…

_……………………………………………………………_

_Dear Seto,_

_Why is it that you never have anytime for me anymore? You're always busy working or going to dueling tournaments. I barely get to see you anymore. When I do, it's only for a while…_

_It feels as if all you care about is work. It's like; you care all those games and stuff more than me. Your always saying that you have work to do and it makes me sad that we can't have too much brotherly time together anymore._

_One thing that I hate is when you loose against Yugi. When you do… you… are different. I don't know exactly how, but you are. _

_Ever since he beat you, all you care about is beating him. Why do you even care that he did?_

_So, if your to busy with work then I guess that I'll never see or talk to you again, since how your to busy to even care. You probably won't even look at this mail until later because you're so busy. _

_But, if you do read it: I want you to know that I hate everything about you now. You're not the Seto I knew. The Seto I knew was caring and nice. You aren't like that anymore. And it's all because of that jerk, Gozaboro. Because of him you barely even smile. I wish that we never met him. Even though our lives wouldn't be at all like it is, at least we'd both be happy…_

_I'm sorry if I've been in the way of your work and all… Goodbye…_

_Your brother,_

_Mokey_

…………………………………………………………………..

What…. No… he doesn't seriously hate me… does he?

I can't believe it. I must be reading wrong.

Though after rereading it, I now know I was wrong…

I stood up and walked out of the office. I ran into my room. I shut the door and took off my white trench coat.

####

It's easier to run

Replacing this pain with something more

It's so much easier to go

Than face all this pain here all alone

####

I walked over to my dresser and took out a pistol and a pocketknife. I sat on the bed holding these two deadly weapons…

Mokuba hates me… I guess he doesn't need me anymore…

I opened up the knife…. I slid the sharp blade down my finger. Causing blood to gush out of the new cut, and down my finger.

I remember the times that out of everything I tried; I failed. I couldn't make Mokuba happy… and all those times I almost killed myself; but this time, it's for real.

I can't go on anymore… not like this… the past times when my life would crash and I was left with nothing.

Mokuba doesn't know about any of the times I almost killed myself. The cuts I had gotten are now scars that'll never leave….

I remember when I had a really bad day….

Everything was going wrong and I was yelling at Mokuba… all my yelling caused him to cry… he said that he hated me that he wished that I were dead…he ran away…

I didn't think I'd get him back… I did… but not until I had gotten out this same knife… I stabbed myself on my chest; near my cold heart. I was going to kill myself, because that's what Mokuba wanted…

That day… I almost died… but it's not going to be the same as last time.

I took of my shirt to look at that scar. I looked at it; after all those months it still looked about the same… ugly and red…

####

Something has been taken from deep inside of me

The secret I've kept locked away no one can ever see

Wounds so deep they never show they never go away

Like moving pictures in my head for years and years they've played

####

I wish that I wasn't such a cold hearted jerk… everyone hates me… I have no one… because no one likes me… I don't blame them though… I hate myself, too.

Though…. I wish I was different, and I was able to be there for Mokuba… I wish that I could take back everything I've ever said to anyone.

When I die… I know that everyone will be happy… I'll take all I know to my grave… I know that there will be no funeral… no one will care about some dead ass-hole…

####

If I could change I would take back the pain I would

Retrace every wrong move that I made I would

If I could stand up and take the blame I would

If I could take all the shame to the grave I would

If I could change I would take back the pain I would

Retrace every wrong move that I made I would

If I could stand up and take the blame I would

I would take all my shame to the grave

####

I know that Mokuba won't want to see me dead in here, so I'll leave. Die somewhere; where no one will see me.

I put back on my shirt, and I put on some shoes. I opened up my closet and took out a black trench coat. I put it on and took the gun and put it in the inside pocket of my coat.

I took the knife once again… and I slid it across my fingers. The cuts gushed out blood.

I then lifted up my sleeve a bit, and slid the knife down my left arm. The new cut, too, started gushing out blood, yet it was much worse.

Blood running down my fingers, and arm... and onto my black clothes.

I walked out of my room and walked down the stairs, to the entrance… I opened the door with my bloody hand leaving blood on the knob.

I walked out, with blood dripping onto the ground as I walked.

I know that I'm going to have to make this fast…

I started to run towards the park. No one would be there, since it was getting dark…

But – should I say goodbye to anyone? Or tell everyone that I'm sorry for all the bad I've done? –

No.

####

It's easier to run

Replacing this pain with something numb

It's so much easier to go

Than face all this pain here all alone

####

I run down familiar streets; I'm in a rush to leave forever…

I slowed down for a second –

This running is reminding me when I ran away from Gozaboro… my stepfather…

He was trying to get me to do work, but I wouldn't. He got so mad and he punched me in the face…

I got so mad, I punched him back… but I was young and not as strong, so when he punched me in the stomach it knocked me down of my chair.

When he left me alone crying I escaped away from him, but soon after I got caught… And when I did, I was beaten.

I never tried anything like that again… If I did, it couldn't of gotten worse.

Though if he hadn't caught me then he'd probably be still alive… and my life would be even more hell than it already is…   
  
####

Sometimes I remember the darkness of my past

Bringing back these memories I wish I didn't have

Sometimes I think of letting go and never looking back

And never moving forward so there'd never be a path

####

I can't stand myself….

I know that everyone will be happy when I die… I'll live in hell… where it doesn't matter if you're a huge asshole like I am.

I walk towards the park… it's not far away from here.

As I walk onto the grounds I see birds fly away…

I wish I never existed… if I didn't then Mokuba would be much happier… unlike now… where he hates me…

####

If I could change I would take back the pain I would

Retrace every wrong move that I made I would

If I could stand up and take the blame I would

If I could take all the shame to the grave I would

If I could change I would take back the pain I would

Retrace every wrong move that I made I would

If I could stand up and take the blame I would

I would take all my shame to the grave

####

I walked to the center of the park, and like I knew; it was deserted.

I got out the gun from inside my trench coat.

I was ready for the end… I put the gun pointed to the side of my head. Finger about to pull the trigger….

I'm hesitating… why… Is there a reason why I am hesitating?

Maybe… I shouldn't shoot myself in the head… maybe when I do it'll get so messy that… people won't be able to come here… to have fun…

I don't want anyone else to get mad at me… I guess I'll think of something else….

I looked at the gun… I've been ready for the end, but I'm…. stalling… still.

Why - why am I stalling… why is it that I'm not just ending it now? I ready for the end… but… I keep – stopping…. Why?

I looked away from the gun, and looked up to the sky… the sun was coming down, and it was getting darker… and darker….

Mokuba liked to go outside when the sun was going down… he liked all the colors that we could see… He loved just – being able to talk to me…it's not the same anymore…

I look down at the ground… my hands limp at my side, I see blood dripping down … I feel tired and weak; and not much pain… as I expected… but…I know that once I die, I won't feel much of weakness…

I look up a bit, and nearby there is an empty bench… I slowly walk to it and I sit down…

I'm a helpless fool… I can't believe I've been a jerk all my life… to busy for my one and only known living relative… Mokuba… my little brother…

Why can't I stop thinking about Mokuba? Why can't I just end everything now? Why have I been such a jerk all my life?

I have to many questions that I can't even answer…

I buried my face into my bloody hands; I really don't care if my face will have blood everywhere… I'm going to die soon… so who will care?

I sat there for a while… I'm not sure how long, but I don't care.

Tears started to form out of my eyes, and down my cheeks. I swiped them away with my non-bloody hand.

I heard a little rustling noise so I looked up, and sitting right in front of me was a little black kitten. It had big innocent dark eyes.

It must be a stray, since it doesn't have a collar.

I look away from the little kitten and I turn to some of the slides and swings… Mokuba loved going to parks and playing with kids his age; though it was when he was young…

I took away all his happiness… he isn't happy any more and it's my entire fault. He doesn't play with anyone his own age anymore, let alone go to parks…

I looked down again and still the kitten stood there in front of me… It kept staring at me with those big innocent eyes… its pawn touched me shoe…

I picked it up and it mewed in pain.

I noticed that it's leg was injured… the poor thing… I wish there was something I could do to help… but I can't… I don't help much… I just make everything worse…

This is hopeless… why did I come here? It's just making me remember more about Mokuba… and how I should have changed…

####

Just watching in the sun

All of my helplessness inside

Pretending I don't feel misplaced

It's so much simpler to change

####

I'm going somewhere else… maybe to an empty lot or something… somewhere where there won't be anything to remind me of Mokuba….

I walk out of the park area. As I make a right turn I see a homeless old man… he's sitting on a bench asleep alone… His clothes are dirty and old and he's using newspapers as blankets…

I go into the other inside pocket of my trench coat, and I take out my wallet. I found a fifty dollar bill… I walk to the old man and I tuck the bill in his hand, so no one can see it.

When he wakes up he'll find it, and hopefully he'll use it to buy food and clothes…

I sighed…

I was about to walk away the man woke up. I turned around and the man looked at me, and then to his hand… he noticed the bill, that had a little blood on it, and he smiled thankfully…

He then looked at me curiously… probably because of the blood that was dripping down my hands, and that I had a gun in my hand.

I didn't feel like talking so I turned and walked away…

I wish that I could talk to Mokuba – one last time…

####

It's easier to run

Replacing this pain with something numb

It's so much easier to go

Than face all this pain here all alone

####

I put the gun back in my inside pocket, and I took out my cell phone.

I dialed Mokuba's cell number… and I held the phone as I ran father away…

####

It's easier to run….

####

It kept ringing… is Mokuba going to answer? Probably not… He probably wants nothing to do with me now…

"I'm not here right now, but leave a message," said the answering machine, with Mokuba's voice.

"Mokuba… it's me… I'm sorry for all that I have done, and if you want to see me die -then come to the parking lot near 34th street… bye…" I said into the phone.

I hung up my phone and put it back into my pocket… When, I did I felt the knife, and I took it out of my pocket.

I starred at it for a moment. It had dried blood on it now…

I wish that I could change everything I've done… make everyone happier, instead of sad of what I have said to them….

I took the knife and pulled up my sleeve. I slid the knife down my other arm. Blood started gushing out of my new deep cut…

####

If I could change I would take back the pain I would

Retrace every wrong move that I made

####

..........Mokuba's POV.........

Maybe I shouldn't have ignored his call… maybe I should have talked to him… I said some mean things…

I picked up my cell phone and I check to see if there were any messages, and there is.

'"Mokuba… it's me… I'm sorry for all that I have done, and if you want to see me die -then come to the parking lot near 34th street… bye"'

What? He's not going to kill himself - is he?

I started to cry. Is my brother really going to kill himself? No… I can't loose him as a brother… this is my fault… I shouldn't of mailed him all that…

I was just – mad that he was to busy working to hang out with me… and now he's going to… kill himself….I can't let him… I have to meet him there, and make him stop. He can't… no…

I ran the whole way, and I was running out of breath. But, I was almost there, and I couldn't stop now.

I ran to the area that Seto said he'd be…. And there he was, standing there looking down at the ground; wearing all black.

I walk closer to Seto, and he looks up at me. I look at his hands, and they are covered with blood.

He looked as if he hadn't slept in days…

He looked up, not at me, but into the dark sky….

I walked closer to him, now about 15 or so feet away I could see a few tears in his eyes…

I can't believe I said what I said… I wish that I wouldn't have taken my anger out on him….

.........Seto's POV..........

I took out the gun again and put me finger onto the trigger… I was now ready…

"Seto! Don't do that!" It was Mokuba…

I looked at him, he was running towards me, but why?

He ran up to me and grabbed the gun out of my hand.

"Don't shoot yourself," he said sadly.

I still had the knife in my hand…

####

It's easier to go

If I could change I would take back the pain I would

Retrace every wrong move that I made I would

If I could stand up and take the blame I would

I would take all my shame to the grave…

####

I kept my eyes on it, and not at my crying brother…

I held it high… here's the end… I stabbed it into my stomach…

I felt so much pain…. The pain was too much; held my stomach and fell on my knees, and to the ground… my eyes closing….

I looked around there were many colors swirling round….

So, this must be how it is to die… and going to hell…

I'm all alone… Like I pretty much always have… well… it's not exactly what I thought… oh well…. There will be no more misery….

Mokuba's POV

I sat down next to my fallen brother. Blood was getting everywhere….

He can't die… not him… he's the only family I have… he can't leave me…. No…

I shook him… I can't let him die…

I took out my cell phone and I dialed 911.

Someone picked up, "Hello"

"Hi, my brother's in trouble… I need help. He's dieing," I said quickly.

"Where is he?" a man asked.

"We're on the empty lot on 34th Street, hurry please," I said.

"We'll get you help. Just make sure he stays awake," he said.

"Okay…." I said. I hung up my phone and put it away

I turned my brother onto his back. And started shaking him again.

His eyes slowly opened.

"I'm sorry, Seto… Please don't die…" I said still shaking him.

"Why are you here? I thought you – hated me…" he said quietly…

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said all that. I had a bad day…I don't hate you..." I said crying more…

##

A little while passed and Seto kept closing his eyes, but I wouldn't let him. Each time he did I would sake him awake.

I looked around and what I saw was the ambulance. It was rushing to where we were.

The ambulance stopped and people came rushing out holding medical bags, and one of those hospital stretchers.

A woman looked at me and said," This is bad… what happened? Did you find him here this way?"

"Sorta…" I said.

"We need to take him to the hospital. He's in serious trouble," a man said to me.

"Mokuba… I'm sorry," my brother said faintly.

"It's okay. You're going to live… You're not going to die," I said to my brother.

Some of the doctors lifted Seto up onto the stretcher, and started rushing him to the ambulance car.

I ran behind them; I won't leave my brother alone. I can't.

"Can I please come, too," I said to them.

"Yeah…" I younger man said.

They lifted his stretcher into the car. I stepped in after.

Seto's eyes were shutting… "Mokuba… when I die… I want you to know that…. I love you…" he said faintly. His eyes completely shut.

I sat waiting in the emergency waiting room alone. I was crying so much, and there was no one here to help…

The doctors said that he may not live… if he dies… then it'll be all my fault… and I couldn't live with knowing it's my fault he's dead… - but I still have hope…. And I won't give up on him…

I've been sitting in this chair crying for a few hours now… and there's been no news at all….

I hope he's okay. I don't want to loose hope, but I think I am…

I felt a tap at my shoulders and I turned to see who it was. It was an older doctor with gray hair.

"Mokuba Kaiba?" He asked me.

I nodded. "He's dead, isn't he?" I said looking down at the ground.

"I'm afraid – your wrong," he said.

I sighed in relief. "He's okay?"

"As good as he could be since he got stabbed in the stomach. How did it all happen?" He asked me; and I wish he wouldn't have.

"It's all my fault… he was going to kill himself…" I said as tears started dripping onto the floor.

"I see. Would you like to see him? He's not awake, but he's alive…" he said, and I shook my head slowly.

I stood up, and the doctor directed me to follow him…and I did.

We walked into one of the rooms…

I saw Seto lying on a big hospital bed asleep. His shirt was off and he had lots of bandages around his stomach. He also had bandages all over his hands and arms. Blood was going through some of the bandages, but not much.

His face was pale and tired. His hair is messy with a little dried blood at the ends.

............Seto's POV..........

[Just what he sees in his head. He's asleep like I said]

Is this hell? It seems different then what I expected. None-the-less – hell.

Everything I knew is leaving me…

I reach my hand out to get a grasp of something. But I failed, like everything else in my life. I'm not good for anything. I'm not even a good enough duelist to beat Yugi.

Just the name, Yugi, makes me know exactly how I failed. I used to be good, but when he beat me… everything changed…after he did I was just focused on beating him, and work. And that's the reason why I never had enough time to be with Mokuba…

It's all dark… just like my heart; Dark and cold.

Yet I see I think line of light, and it's getting bigger.

As it gets bigger I see my brother, and he's crying. But, why? He should be happy now…shouldn't he?

"He's waking," my brother said.

What does that mean 'he's waking'?

It's bright now, and I shield my eyes with my hand, and that's when I felt it again. The pain.

I stopped moving, but I still felt the pain. I squinted a bit.

Why do I see light? I'm dead. Why would I see light? I can't be in heaven. I was such a bad person.

Yet, why do I feel pain? Could I still be alive?

"Am I – dead?" I said, but it was faint and quiet.

"Seto! You alive," Mokuba said to me.

I closed my eyes for a second, but then I opened them back up.

I – am alive. But how? That can't be possible. Is this a joke…No, it's can't be. I'm truly living.

Mokuba hugged my slightly, he was crying and sobbing.

"I'm sorry, Seto. It's my entire fault for all this. I shouldn't of said all that…" Mokuba said with many sobs in between.

I looked at him and, even though I felt pain, I hugged him back.

"I'll never do anything like that again…" I said, but my voice was raspy.

"Go back to bed… you need the strength, okay big brother," Mokuba said to me.

I shook my head slowly yes, and I closed my eyes…

There's an epilogue that I'm going to post. It's how Seto's life is about a week after he gets home from the hospital. So, watch out for an update!

Hope you like it.

I want to start writing more one shots and suicidal fics. I enjoyed writing this one a lot, and writing more will be cool. And if you want me to write more fics like this tell me in the review, please. I'd really appreciate it.

Kisara


	2. Epilogue

The first chapter is the real story, but this chapter is how Seto's life is about a week after he gets home from the hospital.

Hope you like it.

* * *

###Epilogue ###

.......Seto's POV.........

I had gotten home the hospital days ago, but I've been still weak after the surgery, so I can't do much. I've been hanging with Mokuba a lot lately.

I've been trying to make up for the times I wasn't there for him.

Mokuba and I promised each other that we won't ever let any of that happen again. And it's not…

Earlier today the old man I saw outside the park, came here. He told me that he was thankful for receiving that money so he could buy clothes and food. After he told me that after he bought clothes he was able to get a job that'll help him get off the streets.

I gave him enough money to be able to get an apartment to live in and rent money. I offered him more, but he wouldn't take it.

I told him that anytime he needed money that he could come here and I would help him out, and he agreed.

And he said that in return that anytime I needed advice or anything that I all needed to do was ask. I haven't needed to ask him anything, but I know I will in the future.

Now Mokuba and I are going to go to the park. The same one that I almost killed myself in…

We walked into the park…

The whole way Mokuba had to help me walk a bit, but I've been doing a lot better now. I don't feel as much pain anymore, but everyone in awhile I do.

As we were about to walk to the bench I had sat in I heard a purring noise.

I looked down, and what I saw was the little black kitten I saw that day…

"It's so cute," Mokuba said.

"I saw this little kitten that day…it's leg is broken…" I said to him…

"Can we help it?" Mokuba asked me.

"That is exactly what I was thinking…" I said to Mokuba and I smiled at him.

I picked up the little kitten, making sure it wouldn't get its leg hurt.

Mokuba and I walked out of the park, me still carrying the little kitten.

I know that from now on, I will never let work or anything get in the way of me spending time with Mokuba…and I will always try to do good things for others…

-----------The End--------------

* * *

So, what do you think of the fic? I hope you liked it. I really enjoyed writing it.

And please tell me if you liked this fic, because I want to write more one-shot and suisidal fics. So, please tell me if this story was any good.


End file.
